Feeling stuck emotionally is often rooted in something deeper from your past. The emotional wounds of childhood will continue to reside in your unconscious mind until resolved. If you are feeling co-dependent, guilty, insecure, or have low self-esteem, you may be suffering from an inner child wound. Abandonment issues stem from fear of losing loved ones or friends you care for deeply. It often begins in childhood when a child experiences a traumatic loss like divorce or death of a parent. It can manifest in co-dependent relationships, anxiety over someone leaving a friendship or relationship, as being a people pleaser, or fear of being left out of a group or a situation. Physically, you may experience exhaustion, excretory system issues, nightmares, or even foot or ear problems. Are you someone who attracts emotionally unavailable people into your life? A fear of abandonment may be the root cause of this self-sabotage.

Emotional processing is the first step in acknowledging past hurts and getting a handle on emotional wounds. In order to feel better emotionally, you will need to first begin to process the discomfort. I propose 4 basic steps to begin the healing process:

1. Identify the emotion.

2. Clarify the root of what you are feeling deep down.

3. Reprogram the subconscious mind with declarative statements that are supportive.

4. Anchor in new patterns of healing with visualizations and essential oils to shift biochemistry.

Let’s begin with naming the emotion that is causing discomfort in your body, mind or spirit. Perhaps you are feeling exhausted over people pleasing all the time. Once you identify the emotion as fear of abandonment, grab a journal and ask yourself some questions. Have feelings of loss been triggered? What situations in my past left me feeling responsible for everyone? Is there an unprocessed traumatic event in my past? What will it take for me to create healthy boundaries for myself?

To reprogram your negative core beliefs, often called “blocks,” a shift is required. Once you’ve identified the root cause of your emotion in the last exercise, make a declarative statement that supports how you want to feel as a healthy and whole person in this area of your thinking. Thoughts become beliefs and beliefs inspire action. For this exercise, it is best to use your voice to instruct the subconscious mind in the direction of positive change. In other words, speak aloud the belief you want to hold true for you.

As you are declaring the belief you aspire to internalize, visualize yourself in the positive state you are seeking to leverage the chemicals produced when the body chemistry reflects positive thinking. This may increase those feel good chemicals. If you anchor this process with a pure, potent therapeutic grade essential oil whose constituents support the changes you seek, you are actually re-wiring your brain for positive results in this area of your thinking.

For this exercise, diffuse an essential oil such as Basil, Black Spruce, Blue Tansy or citrus blends which contain detoxifying, soothing, and uplifting, properties. Breathe deeply and make declarative statements such as “I am worthy of taking ownership of my own thoughts, feelings and opinions” or “It is safe to create boundaries around my time and needs.” You are wiring your new patterns of thinking by scent association and also receiving therapeutic value when you choose a pure, potent, unadulterated oil (it is best not to use synthetic fragrance based oil if your goal is to achieve therapeutic value). To overcome the fear of abandonment wound and release fear based thinking, select energizing, strengthening, and stabilizing oils that will feel supportive while you visualize strong connections based on love.

Let’s take another example. Perhaps you suffer from guilt. You are always feeling sorry, you never want to ask for anything. Instead, you may punish yourself or manipulate to get what you want. Do you have poor boundaries and tend to attract people who actually make you feel guilty? Physically, you may be feeling neck pain, TMJ, cramps or feel this emotion in your gut. To go deeper into why you are feeling this guilt, ask yourself why you are feeling this way. If you are punishing yourself, why? Then probe further to reveal if you are actually responsible for the source of your guilt. Finally, decide what it will take for you to release the guilty feelings and move forward toward more positive emotions like forgiveness, self-acceptance, and optimism. Appropriate oils to anchor in these positive properties are: Bergamot, Copaiba, Lemon and Peppermint. Copaiba and Peppermint are excellent oils for pain relief. Lemon and Peppermint both contain alpha and beta pinene, while Bergamot and Lemon share limonene; an uplifting main constituent. All of these monoterpenes help discharge toxins.

Fear of being hurt and seeking external validation are very common manifestations of a trust wound. Loss of appetite, issues with the gums, colon or gallbladder may be found in individuals with trust issues. To discover the root of this wound, go within and ask yourself why you are guarding and contemplate a time from your past when you felt rejected, unloved, or took a hit to your ego. Grab an oil like Cypress for motion and flow to help you let go of the past or Geranium to shift from a distrusting point of view to feeling more open and trusting. Geranium is gentle and perfect for nurturing the inner child. Another great doTERRA oil to reach for is Adaptiv. This essential oil is designed to assist with anxious states and break the cycle of hyper-vigilance which constricts the healing process. With the support of this blend, you can proactively approach challenging situations with more clarity and confidence. Anchor in your desired belief by reciting “I am now open to trusting” or a create similar positive statement that resonates.

One last inner wound I’ll touch on is the wound of neglect, characterized by low self-worth, difficulty letting go, repressed anger, and fear of vulnerability. Physically, this neglect wound may manifest in the throat or mouth, or as snoring, acne, or aches with an emotional root of longing to feel loved and held. Lemongrass essential oil is a powerful tool to assist with purging and releasing what no longer serves you. Bergamot is a beautiful and uplifting essential oil that may be used to anchor in feelings of worth when diffused during times of inner work. Magnolia is a lovely oil to apply topically to affirm feelings of compassion and connection. One of the main constituents in both Bergamot and Magnolia essential oils is linalool, known for its calming and balancing properties. Asking thought provoking questions like, “ Is this thought life-giving? Does it draw me closer or farther away from God?” will help clarify whether or not your thoughts are coming from a place of truth. In this way, negative core beliefs can be identified and replaced with life affirming truths: “ I am free. I am held. I am cherished and worthy of an abundance of love.” As you begin to experience your true worth, feel your heart open and receiving.

Essential oils may offer targeted support when it comes to the inner work of emotional healing. The key is to be open to becoming a student of your own body and to commit to a daily devotion of improving wellness and mindset. Find more information on emotions and oils here.

What negative emotions are holding you back and what tools are you employing to support healing?