Free or Unfree

How are your New Year’s resolutions going? I wouldn’t say I’m big on resolutions, but I am a planner. Or should I say planning makes me feel focused? I love the energy of that last week of December…fully living out the current year and bringing it to a celebratory close, while anticipating with hope all of the dreams we can bring to fulfillment in the year to come. It’s an exciting time.

I was on a roll with big picture goals; putting a lot of energy into what was on my heart. My intentions were pure. That was all good. Where I got sidetracked was in taking ownership of the dreams God had called me to co-create with him and moving forward as though it was all up to me. I took that annual goal and broke it down into quarterly goals which broke down to monthly, weekly, daily actions. And while I was at it, feeling so accomplished on paper, I thought what better time than January to whip my home into shape, too? So I gathered my years’ old Fly Lady binder and set out to tackle all that had accumulated in my home since going back to work full time 5 years ago. I was on it!! Week 1, Zone 1, wipe this, sparkle that. I had the checklist of all checklists. The reason this was all working was because I wasn’t actually back to work yet. We were still on winter break. So yeah. There’s that. It took about a minute of real life on January 6th, my first day back, to realize I forgot to factor in the fact that I would be facing two weeks of email to address on top of my regular work responsibilities. I’d be arriving home late after catching up, with dinner to make, kids to feed and nurture and celebrate, rosaries to pray. Getting home at 7:30 with a 9:00 bedtime scheduled did not leave a lot of room for a 27 fling boogie. I had to laugh at myself and realize through God’s peaceful guidance, that I didn’t have to strive, I didn’t have to accomplish, I didn’t have to check off items on a master to-do list. These man-made plans had nothing on the role of God, the master planner. Jesus, I surrender everything to you. You take care of it.

The big aha here was that all of these man-made plans, while well intentioned, kept me unfree. I was a slave to the schedule, checking off the items so I would feel accomplished. Isn’t that exactly where the enemy wants us? Overscheduled, overcommitted, overextended, measuring ourselves against our goals and accomplishments?

So, yeah. That was day 1.
Day 2 was the day the Lord has made. I decided to rejoice and be glad in it.