The Inevitable Emotion of Grief
“On each of my dyings, shed your light and your love.”
Hello, dear friend. Are you here because you are processing grief? It’s inevitable for all of us, and I’m so sorry that now is your time. I’d like to help you find peace in sorrow. I will highlight the five stages of grief identified by Elizabeth Kubler Ross in her book On Death and Dying.
Initially, you may be feeling shock and denial. Are you feeling numb? Are you in disbelief that this has happened? If you are experiencing this first stage of grief, you can support your emotions with herbal oils that are soothing and support the release of negative thought patterns. The shock of loss may have you feeling depleted and fatigued. Basil oil can combat this if you are looking for a go-to oil to help you feel renewed. Feeling numb is a normal defense mechanism for dealing with the shock of intense emotions. When you have tough information to digest, a digestive support oil like Fennel may help digest emotionally in the same way it supports physical digestion. A lovely oil to lean into for supporting depressed and anxious feelings is Magnolia. The main constituent in Magnolia oil is linalool, which relaxes and eases disturbing emotions. This beautiful oil enhances well-being with its sedative properties.
Already in your grief journey, you have likely discovered that healing emotionally from grief is not always a linear process. Once you have moved through the denial stage, and feelings of sorrow intensify, it is important to healthily grieve your loss. Did you know the body stores unresolved emotion? Unprocessed and repressed grief may be stored in the lungs, so using respiratory oils such as doTERRA Breathe, Eucalyptus, and Peppermint may help you to open your airways and breathe more deeply. Mindfully breathe in healing and peace while breathing out sadness.
The second stage of grief you may experience is anger. The important thing to note with anger is that it might serve as a mask for what is really going on. You might be noticing bitterness or resentment when the feelings of disappointment and frustration become too overwhelming. It is not uncommon to experience all-out rage. This is a great time to introduce movement to release anger and sadness. These powerful feelings may be supported with Cardamom, Thyme, Geranium, Ylang Ylang, Spikenard and doTERRA Forgive essential oil blend, just to name a few.
When dealing with grief, you won’t be surprised to find yourself wanting to gain a sense of control which manifests as bargaining in the third stage of grief. Helpful oils for connecting to God and surrendering are Sandalwood, Arborvitae, and doTERRA Peace essential oil blend. Bargaining is a defense mechanism employed to postpone sadness. Understanding this, it is important to work toward processing these difficult emotions.
Eventually, when you can no longer deny, avert, and postpone, you will find yourself settling into the overwhelming emotions that grief holds. This fourth stage of grief is known as depression/sadness. Lemongrass is a powerful oil for supporting individuals in letting go of despondency and despair. Releasing is a powerful step in the healing process. To make room for positive emotion to fill in, it is helpful to use oils along with emotional work to let go of emotions that no longer serve you. It is important to also acknowledge that we are spiritual beings and it is very helpful to anchor in a connection with God by using oils like Frankincense and Sandalwood in combination with a spiritual practice. Frankincense is calming and helps foster an environment of spiritual connection, while Sandalwood is commonly used to support alertness and focus in devotional practices. According to the 8th Edition of Essential Emotions, the positive emotional properties of Wintergreen are surrender, relying on God, and letting go.
In the final stage of grief, acceptance takes place and eventually ushers in hope and possibility. Hope essential oil blend by doTERRA is a perfect support oil during this stage. Clearing and reassuring oils like doTERRA’s Adaptiv and Anchor are great oils to follow up the period of instability that precedes the acceptance stage. Other oils to support acceptance are Spikenard, Rose, Bergamot, Ylang Ylang, doTERRA Peace, and doTERRA Beautiful. Consider pairing Beautiful with healing affirmations.
Another tool for consideration to deepen the healing process may be found in The Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius Loyola. Grounded in the conviction that God is active and in all things, the Exercises contain a powerful methodology for attending to the journey of the soul. The Ignatian model of spirituality employs necessary tools for the resolution of issues attached to grief and loss.
Fr. Ignacio Martin-Baro, SJ makes a very important point: “There are truths that can be discovered only through suffering or from the critical vantage point of extreme situations.”
It is inevitable that every person will experience various “dyings” during the course of our lives: the death of loved ones, broken relationships, job termination, loss of health. The important thing is to grieve these losses in a healthy, life-giving way.